Shorthand Patagonia - Day 14

January 29th

9:30am-ish - very last time.

10:000am - very last cold oatbran with Nesquik. a bit of showering, a bit of wifi-mooching, a bit of lounging around.

11:00am - wander! we'd heard from several people that Punta Arenas didn't have much to offer, but lucky for us the sun was shining and all around us that very único Patagonia sky was stretching out blue and wide, with fingery-little whisps of clouds popping up here and there. we rub a statue's lucky foot in the plaza, then hike the steps up to the city's mirador with a view of the rooftops and the water. on the way down, we stop at Castillo Milward, the house owned by Charley Milward, relative of Bruce Chatwin, who convinced the author to come to Patagonia and to later write his celebrated travel book In Patagonia. we poke around a bit, decide that the for rent sign in the window may actually be an omen. then we head down to the water to spy on the docks and their very large cruise ships. I buy penguin postcards. then we swing by the friendly grocery store before heading back to the hostel for lunch.

2:15pm - could these be the very last tuna and hard-boiled-egg sandwiches? It's like the end of an era.

3:00pm - waiting for our airport taxi, I go wandering.

3:04pm - two blocks later, I stumble upon the very large, very above-ground, very pretty municipal cemetery. lots of czech people seem to die in patagonia. head back to hostel. see Israelis as they come back from Isla Magdalena tour; they gush.

4:00pm - goodbye hostel!

4:03pm - Gras falls asleep in taxi; she's just like my dad. I look out window.

4:30pm - at airport, browsing the sickeningly-overpriced airport tourist merchandise--do you buy the $16 Patagonia flask? No, I guess not.

4:39pm - that guy looks familiar...Israeli?

4:39:30 (yeah, it did literally take that long) - realize familiar-looking guy is accompanied by several other familiar-looking guys...well-equipped, young chilean guys. you've got to be kidding me. turns out our friendly bus-seat-sharers are on the flight to Santiago that leaves 5 minutes after ours. I'm seeing a circle coming to its full...circle.

4:55pm - waiting for boarding call; I'm grumpy. Do we have to leave?

4:57pm - look longingly at the various maps of displayed of torres del paine and patagonia.

5:12pm - on plane. maybe I should try to write down everything we did on the trip.

7:12pm - plane stops in Puerto Montt; we stay onboard. still grumpy; now I have to pee. turns out you can't get up while they're refueling...right, cause being seated will save me from dying when the fuel tank explodes. obnoxious.

8:30pm - airplane sandwich #2. maybe we didn't have to swing by the friendly grocery store beforehand. Gras and I decide to partake in some complimentary airplane wine. flight attendant doesn't believe we're of age; again, what country are we in?

9:40pm - land in Santiago. woohoo. crap; I'm only on day 3--this might take awhile.

9:52pm - off plane, walking toward baggage claim, but the hallway doors are locked. no, seriously--our entire plane is piling up in the very long passage way that leads to baggage claim, but we can't get through. I'm gonna be really pissed off if this makes me miss the last bus to Viña and I have to spend the night in the airport with Gras. Gras laughs obnoxiously. do I kick Gras? a few passengers going running down another part of the hallway and start banging on office doors until someone comes out. the man assures us that it is in no way his fault; please direct all complaints to LAN Chile. helpful, thanks. some American man is getting loud and flustered; I think I'll stick to Spanish. our large group of passengers--some irritated, others laughing at the irritated ones--travels blob-like from one end of the passage way to the other, then back again.

10:03pm - a representative of LAN shows up; we travel back down hallway to the international arrivals area.

10:06pm - oh yeah, we're walking straight through customs; this is in no way a breach of security...or illegal.

10:21pm - have luggage, say goodbye to Gras, successfully board final LAN bus headed for Viña.

Crisis #5 averted, though rather anti-climactically.

12:04am - roll into Viña, find myself a micro. turns out it's fairly difficult balancing on the micro with Sampson Blue, the backpack of awkward heaviness.

12:12am - halfway to Valpo; lots of pretty lights flicker in front of me, boats pass on my right. for me, the world will now and forever be defined by that which is La Patagonia, and that which is not: the horrendously more extensive Non-Patagonia. I miss penguins.

Shorthand Patagonia - Day 13

January 28th

8:00am – alarm.

8:15am - hostel’s included breakfast turns out to be exceptionally disappointing. Stealing bread becomes less fun when it’s stale and already eaten last night.

8:50am – off to find bus to Punta Arenas.

9:01am – outside Buses Fernández; 9:30am bus to Punta Arenas appears to be a 9:00am bus to Punta Arenas, currently making a left out of the company station. Well dang.

9:15am – with 10:00am bus tickets secured (actually cheaper than Buses Fernández), we wander down to the lake, pass barking dogs on wall along the way. Take pictures of lake, take pictures of dogs barking on wall.

9:40am – outside bus station, strange man with beer bottles (what time is it?) makes strange gestures to Gras, turns out to be bus attendant.

10:30am – on bus, trying to sleep. Strange bus attendant gives us mints. Strange bus attendant pats my head and makes strange gestures. Strange bus attendant pats Gras’ head and makes strange gestures. Gras gives strange man strange look (she doesn’t like people touching her head, strange or otherwise).

10:50am – I finally figure out strange bus attendant is mute. He continues making strange gestures. We nod a lot.

12:20pm – bus stops at airport. Strange bus attendant apparently things we’re getting off. Oops; apparently the smile and nod approach is not always a good one.

12:45pm – arrive in Punta Arenas! Strange bus attendant is sad to see us go.

12:48pm – crap; I’m halfway down the block, but I don’t have my jacket. Run back to bus.

12:50pm – find strange bus attendant, he finds jacket, he makes me kiss his cheek. It’s worth it; that’s an expensive—and necessary—jacket.

Crisis #4 averted. There’s no way we’re only on #4....

12:52pm – commence with the hostel search.

1:45pm – 7 hostels and some seriously bad map-reading (by yours truly) later, hostel acquired. We make up for the cheap hostel price of 3,000 pesos by opting for the 32,000 peso penguin tour on Isla Magdalena—it’s supposed to be worth it, right? Meet large group of Israelis staying at hostel; they’re nice. Find out large group of Israelis were, until recently, all working in Denver. They ask me if I prefer shopping at Flat Irons or Park Meadows. Hmm, interesting. Food? Yes, please; I haven’t spent nearly enough money.

2:00pm – chosen restaurant apparently out of food. Seriously?

2:12pm – the small selection of food remaining turns out to be quite tastey.

3:00pm – wander!

5:00pm – penguin van picks us up at hostel. We’re once again the youngest ones in the crowd—this time by a good 10 years at least. We drive to the launch site; Gras and I giggle and point at things obnoxiously.

5:30pm – board boat, receive life jackets. Our captain looks like that ship captain with the yellow raincoat on the frozen fish sticks boxes—what the hell’s his name?

5:38pm – I realize I’m in the middle of the Strait of Magellan. Sweet.

6:30pm – boat slows down near Isla Marta where there’s a huge sea lion colony. Ok seriously, there are like a billion ridiculously large sea lions being very loud. We watch them being large and loud, fighting with each other, being fat, rolling a bit, some even swimming. There are also about three billion cormorants flying around among the ginormous seagulls. This is quite entertaining. We take pictures. The other people on our boat take more pictures with their very spiffy cameras (our sole remaining camera is almost out of memory and battery life...must conserve until we reach penguins).

6:34pm – sea lions smell.

6:45pm – goodbye sea lions!

7:05pm – arrive at Isla Magdalena, prepare to disembark (that’s only funny to a select few...). Our seafaring Captain Fish Sticks informs us there will be coffee served on shore in exactly one hour; he threatens to withhold coffee if we’re late. What country are we in?

7:08pm – oh my god, I’m on an island covered with a ba-jillion little penguins!

7:09pm – Gras and I meet our first penguin; I name him Joseph. Gras takes picture. Turns out there’s a string-marked path that leads to a lighthouse, and we can just walk right up to all the little penguins we want—we can even chase them and poke them and try to hug them!

7:09:30pm – excitement overload.

7:10pm – okay, I’m calm; let’s go meet more penguins! Gras and I take pictures of us meeting more penguins. There’s a fair amount of squealing.

7:22pm – Fredrick the penguin falls down after he loses his balance during some high-speed waddling.

7:36pm – we see two penguins humping each other. We find this bizarre, take pictures anyway.

7:41pm – meet lighthouse keeper—he’s short and very round, an odd combination for one who works in a lighthouse. We climb up to top of lighthouse, take our last picture with us and the island in the background. So many penguins! Pretty freakin’ sweet.

7:48pm – wander back down toward coffee.

8:08pm – arrive at launch; coffee has been put away. Captain Fish Sticks tells us we can come on the boat and have coffee if we don’t tell anyone else. I love being a girl in Latin America.

8:10pm – Cristián the boat hand opens up his cooler and takes out a thermos of coffee. He asks us if we want it with or without pisco. I think he’s joking, say with.

8:11pm – Cristián wasn’t joking. I now have a tiny little styrofoam cup filled half with pisco, half with nescafé.

8:13pm – Cristián breaks out the cookies. Why yes, we’ll gladly eat your cookies.

8:25pm – 4 cookies later (each), Captain Fish Sticks getting antsy, yells at slow people to get on boat. We have to hide coffee evidence, I valiantly drink the rest of Gras’ Nescafé-laced pisco for her.

8:26pm – someone asks for a cup of coffee. Cristián says no, it’s too late.

8:40pm – we see dolphins! So many dolphins! I heart the Strait of Magellan.

9:00pm – back on shore; goodbye Captain Fish Sticks, goodbye Cristián.

9:30pm – arrive at hotel, gush to Israelis about 32,000 peso penguin tour, have dinner, steal bread.

10:15pm – Israelis invite us to share their vodka in a bowl with lemon slices with them. How could we refuse? Turns out with enough sugar and lemons, you can make just about anything taste like candy. We love Israelis.

12:00am – off with the Israelis to find some Sunday-night entertainment. We go into Kamikaze, a popular club; there are lots of old people. We order fruity drinks anyway, talk about presence of old people.

1:15am – tired of Kamikaze, we all go back to hostel. Israelis make snacks; we eat their snacks, converse.

2:00am – snacks, penguins, lemon candy make us sleepy—to bed!

Shorthand Patagonia - Day 12

January 27th

5:45am – this is getting old.

6:30am – on bus! El Chaltén decides to bid us farewell with a bright blue sky streaked with little bands of painted-on clouds hanging high above the sunrise-showered peaks of Mt. Fitzroy and his friends. Good thing we didn’t spoil our nice warm—seated—view by killing ourselves yesterday. I take pictures through the window, then we go to sleep.

11:30am-ish – arrive in El Calafate. It’s sunnier than I remember. After storing our luggage at the bus station, we head out to wander around town and through park, to buy Gras a t-shirt, and to find internet and food.

1:00pm – food found in form of empanadas (which, by the way—way better in argentina than in chile. sorry, chile.).

2:30pm – replace chapstick.

3:00pm – contemplate climbing el Cerro Calafate; turns out it’s faraway and a 3 hour hike just to summit, not the 850m “workout” just behind some hostel I’d been led to believe. Good work, guidebook. Eat brownie instead; good decision.

4:35pm – still have time to kill. Grocery runs are always fun, right?

5:30pm – on way to bus station, run into french couple we met in the airport who are biking across the world. They look tired. Trip seems to be coming full circle...inefficiently, but full-circle nonetheless.

6:25pm – getting ready to board bus, I try taking off my old luggage tag before giving my backpack to the attendant. This proves more difficult than expected; while attempting to ease the tag out of its slipknot I manage to make a reverse slipknot. The bus attendant finds this hilarious and will continue laughing at me everytime he walks by my (frontrow—hell yeah!) seat until we get to Chile.

6:28pm – open can of tuna and drain into bus terminal trashcan in preparation for mobile dinner.

6:30pm – on bus. Cute Israeli from prison-hostel is sitting across the aisle and one row behind us with group of Israelis we'd met there. He borrows my pen.

6:37pm – yogurt? Don’t want it to get warm....

6:38pm – gras and I realize we need to eat all open cans of tuna/newly-bought fruit/cheese. Worse things could happen—break out the not-so-clean forks. Are they going to take our still at least half-full tía from us?

6:41pm – oh fun! our giggly bus attendant just put in Adam Sandler’s The Longest Yard—this will be a cultural experience!

8:30pm - torres del paine starts to edge its way near in our kick-ass view through the front of the bus. we eat chocolate. try to eat as much fruit as possible. should we ask the attendant if they search the bus?

8:50pm - arrive at customs/immigration, conveniently located right near the midpoint souvenir store; it's all starting to come together now.

8:52pm - crap; we have to take everything off the bus to bring in for inspection. frightened by the ubiquitously-posted signs warning of automatic fines for agricultural smuggling when entering chile, we throw together a trash bag and decide to take the hit. tía, however, comes with us.

9:01pm - sweet--they actually gave us stamps this time!

9:02pm - approach inspection lady. she looks nice. inspection lady looks through bags, sees bottle of tía maría, looks at me and laughs. i love this country.

9:15pm - back on bus; victorious.

10:30pm - arrive in Puerto Natales--I'm home again. feeling the accumulating strain our wallets, we decide to pass on Erratic Rock and find ourselves beds in a backpacker place that's slightly cheaper and virtually empty. the hostle owner wants to know if we're planning on going out tonight; haha...who needs to go out when you have a successfully transported half-full bottle of tía maría's? i'll heat some water; gras will steal the bread. we love traveling.

Shorthand Patagonia - Day 11

January 26

8:30am – sleeping-in is sweet. So...Mt. Fitzroy? Sure, something like that.

9:00am – turns out cold oat bran mixed with Nesquik doesn’t quite live up to the cold oatmeal...it was all they had in El Calafate.

9:30am – on trail, kind of sleepy.

9:33am – this trail has a lot of up to it. I don’t think our knees like up very much anymore.

9:45am – I feel cranky; so do my knees.

11:00am – arrive at look-out point; this is good enough, right? Besides, it’s cloudy and cold—the world is telling us to go back to town and hole-up with our tía. Gras agrees. We take pictures.

11:30am – detour to nearby lake; run into Itai and friends—they’ve already gone up and come down from Fitzroy. Again, nobody likes a show-off. Pretty lake.

1:30pm – lunch time in rancho grande! Turns out argentinian tuna tastes different from chilean tuna. Also turns out that eating tuna out of a can while inside a warm hotel/local hang-out is somehow less satisfying than eating it in the shadow of the torres. La tía has a way of making up for it, though; shall we christen it? Commence with the veging as well as the stealing of hostel kitchen priviledges to make our coffee...this time it’s not even our hostel. Karma prevents me from being able to go up or down the stairs that lead to the kitchen without limping. La tía has a way of making up for this as well.

6:30pm – turns out spending an entire afternoon relaxing on a cute little couch bathed in sunlight coming in from the window that has a lovely view of the now-clear Mt. Fitzroy is pretty amazing. Dinner? Mmm...paninis and smuggled Nalgene water in the café nextdoor.

9:30pm – back at rancho grande, making british friends who make fun of the fact that we carry a bottle of tía maría with us wherever we go.

11:00pm – we’re not lame; we trek on glaciers. Who says you can’t go back to your hostel at 11pm? Plus, our bus leaves at 6:30 tomorrow morning.

Shorthand Patagonia - Day 10

January 25th

6:30am - alarm. funny how snoring always seems to get worse around dawn. get me the hell out of this prison. i'm too lazy to change my shirt; maybe i'll just put five more layers on top of it.

6:45am - collect hanging food bag from outside. it's kind of cold--it'll be okay, right?

7:10am - arrive at Rancho Grande to meet tour group--oh yeah, we're gonna trek on a glacier.

7:12am - Gras runs across the street to try to find available beds at another hostel. i put on band-aids.

7:14am - success (for both of us)!

7:25am - juntar with the group and guide #1. turns out guide #1 isn't very friendly. guide #1 informs us that we have a 2 hour hike to base camp. then there's a 2 hour hike to the glacier and it includes river crossings with pulleys. ya (chilean style: juuaaahhhhh....).

7:41am - group stops at trail sign. i take off four layers and tie them to various parts of my daypack/self. oh my god, what time is it?

7:47am - on trail, walking in a single-file line looking down at our shoes as guide #1 hurdles us toward base camp. i'm starting to see a prison theme to the el chaltén leg of the trip.

9:20am - i love base camp. base camp has cookies and juice--it's so definitely chilean, even if we're argentina. commence with the cookie-eating.

10:00am - now harness-toting, we're back on the trail.

10:12am - we find a river.

10:24am - the river finds me hovering about 3 feet above it, roughly equidistant from either deceptively faraway bank, very quickly running out of upper-body strength.

10:24:20 - are you kidding me with this? Gras takes pictures.

10:25am - okay, safely on the ground, definitely out of breath.

10:29am - oh look, it's gras' turn.

10:29:30am - nobody likes a show off.

12:00pm-ish - start descent toward glacier after way too much up. group takes a pee break: boys to the left, girls to the right. see fairly sizeable avalanche from across the valley; that's actually pretty cool.

12:30pm - hello, glaciar torre! you're very, very reflective. damn you overly-cheap, easily-broken sunglasses i no longer have.

12:31pm - who needs retinas when they have glaciers?

12:50pm - we get crampons!

12:52pm - gras and i love our new crampons. we take pictures.

1:20pm - we're walking on a glacier! turns out glaciers are sweet-they're often blue, which is something that has to do with energy and the length of lightwaves and refraction and stuff. i like it because it burns my retinas less. turns out glaciers also have little rivers and streams and dune-like formations; this is sweet--it makes me feel much better about paying a large lump sum to a travel agency/hostel in el calafate.

2:10pm - lunch time on the glacier! our guides found us a nice little spot sheltered from the wind and retina-pulverizing glare on a rocky little outcrop right by a sizeable ice wall. time to break out the not-so-cold sandwiches which will probably make me sick later. it's cool, though--we're on a glacier.

2:25pm - forget sandwiches; let's go scale some ice!

2:45pm - gras looks cute with her little pick axes. gras scales skillfully.

2:55pm - scaling wall of ice = cool. pick axes = strangely empowering?

2:57pm - what do you mean i have to just lean back now that i've reached the top? i don't think i like this quite as much as before.

3:05pm - annoying german guy from our group has pretentiously unpacked his personal umbrella hat and is now laying out on the glacier. i take picture.

3:20pm - time to hike off glacier.

4:00pm - admire miniature mud slide emptying into not-so-miniature crevice. take pictures.

4:08pm - goodbye crampons.

4:25pm - goodbye glacier.

4:26pm - we have to climb all the way back? lame.

6:15pm - yep, still love base camp. more cookies and juice? why, i'd love to.

6:25pm - bump into father and son pair at base camp; they're doing the glacier trek tomorrow. we still don't know either of their names, but the son is definitely cute. we "lose" our group and hike out toward el chaltén.

8:10pm - we take wrong turn and end up extending our hike by half an hour. it's cool, though; we don't have to stay in prison tonight.

8:45pm - get back to town and rescue our things from hell. hello new hostel! food? yes, please!

9:15pm - having secured a bottle of tía maría's argentinean-style fake bailey's, we install ourselves in the local patagonicus restaurant (cute name; better bread) before heading back to Rancho Grande which seems to be the place to hang out for anybody who's anybody, which clearly includes us.

11:00pm - those not-so-refrigerated sandwiches took their toll on my digestive system, but you'll be happy to know that we run into the young married couple who are now staying in the rancho grande. we finally introduce ourselves; they're from seattle and are on an extended second honeymoon after their "informal" wedding weekend in which they housed all their friends in cabañas at a lake. they play us a song about our funny nation on their ipod. we're tired--non-prison-like hotel anyone?

Shorthand Patagonia - Day 9

January 24th

6:30am – well, at least no one’s snoring anymore. Time to make breakfast and lunch.

8:15am – board bus for Perito Moreno Glacier “trekking” tour. Gras and I find ourselves surrounded by old people and Israelis.

8:27am – fall asleep on bus to Perito Moreno.

9:10am – bus stops for photo-op.

9:10:10am – Gras and I scoff at idea of bus tour photo-op, then get off bus, take picture, and immediately get back on bus. Give us a break; we’re tired and it’s cold.

9:38am – bus stops for photo-op #2. Gras and I comply after slightly less scoffing.

9:50am – arrive at “trailhead” and begin “trek.”

9:57am – trekking guide takes first break for benefit of group. Gras and I exchange look.

10:12am - first glimpse of glacier. yeah, that's pretty sweet.

10:28am - photo-op the 12th.

11:30am - end of "trek." We have about three hours to kill at the glacier's balconies which are a series of stairs and walkways that lead to various viewpoints of Perito Moreno. We descend one walkway which leads to close-up view of the glacier from the lower left-hand side. There's an animated sign showing a little man being pelted by large, flying glacier-balls, and warning against carelessness which can lead to death-by-flying glacier-balls. Apparently, 30-some people died from glacier-balls between 1968 and 1988. I take a picture of the sign.

12:05pm - sitting near glacier-ball sign, we break out lunch--tuna and hardboiled eggs! After lunch, we explore the other walkways, take pictures, and half-interestedly wait for the crashing sounds of calving ice. Turns out it can be kind of a let down to visit a tourist-and-fence-surrounded glacier after having perched yourself on rocky cliffs with no one else around to watch Glacier Grey in all its boat-threatening, calving glory while accompanied by chocolate. We're so jaded.

1:10pm - bored with glacier. We could go hiking, but there are no trails in this national park. Sit on log. Tours blow, but we kind of enjoy the down-time.

3:00pm - back on bus; more sleep.

4:30pm - back in El Calafate, make a few last-minute attempts at arranging plans for next few days.

6:00pm - board bus for El Chaltén several hours to the north. Father and son pair sitting in front of us.

10:20pm - El Chaltén! Commence the hostel search.

10:22pm - Rancho Grande, which doubles as the town's bus station, is completely full. Go left, they tell us.

10:34pm - So far three places have been full. Our bus company's agency asks if we have tent. Negative on the tent.

10:38pm - Back at Rancho Grande asking for suggestions, they tell us the entire town is booked. I ask if they rent tents. Yes, but they don't have any left. Try going right, they tell us.

10:47 - Three more places are full. Is it tacky to ask hostels/hotels if you can pay to sleep on their floor?

11:00pm - Wander uphill towards new hostel. New hostel full, but they tell us there's a place attached that might have room. We walk around to the side of the building and see a building-like thing that appears to be under construction. Once inside, we see that yes, it is very much under construction. We also see about a dozen people huddled around the kitchen picnic table, including a friendly Israeli guy from some earlier bus ride.

11:02pm - A 14-year-old-looking Argentine boy tells us they're full. We ask if we can sleep on his floor/if he knows of a place that would let us sleep on their floor. A few people at the picnic table look at us pathetically; 14-year-old disappears for a minute. Gras and I exchange look. We could always sleep outside--we've got sleeping bags.

11:05pm - boy comes back, says there's room. seriously?! we follow him into the room he'd disappeared into and see piles of backpacks covering the floor in any place not taken up by the 15 beds lining the walls (three-level bunk beds). Gras is assigned a level #1 bed on one side, I get a level #3 bed on the other.

Crisis #4 averted?

11:30pm - making lunch for tomorrow, we learn that the refrigerator doesn't work. We can hang the food outside, right?

11:48pm - Pair of Israeli girls come in, looking for beds.

12:00am - we have to get up in 6 hours; we should probably go to bed.

12:10am - lying in very high bed, lights on, i'm kind of scared.

12:19am - eyes pressed shut, hear about four guys come into room, they start throwing things at each other? don't want to open eyes, just listen. maybe they're kicking things.

12:27am - hear someone come into room, compare room to a prison.

12:37am - someone starts snoring.

12:45am - backpacking/hostelling isn't quite as glamorous as I'd pictured it.

Shorthand Patagonia - Day 8

January 23rd

7:30am - the alarm's back. It's pouring outside; it looks like it's been raining all night. We're warm and dry.

8:00am - Erratic Rock breakfast, ROund 2. There's no sweet bread, only savory. Amazing anyway.

9:00am - board bus for El CXalafate. The young American couple is across the aisle from us; the father and son pair are three rows in front of us.

10:07am - bus stops at souvenir store. Still raining.

10:27am - give passports and carnes to bus attendant.

10:43am - bus attendant hands back passports and carnes; why didn't we get stamps?

10:44am - I want my stamps.

1:30pm-ish - arrive in El Calafate!

1:37pm - El Calafate looks kind of like a mix between Breckenridge and Pucón. BGump into group of Israelis, including Itai, in the street. Locate hostel; locate grocery store; locate ice cream; locate really cute El Calafate shirt with penguins and igloo (on sale!); locate ATM; pay hostel large quantity of cash for package deal to see, trek on glaciers. This may or may not be a good idea.

7:00pm - dinner in "Casablanca"--clearly a true Argentine dining experience. Our waiter's strange; we make fun of him.

8:50pm - after finally getting the check, we steal left-over bread.

10:00pm - back in hostel; shower!; meet roomies.

11:45pm - bedtime!

11:52pm - roomie #1 starts snoring.

11:54pm - roomie #1's snoring reminds me of dying cow.

12:03am - roomie #2 starts snoring.

12:04am - roll-over.

12:05am - resign myself to the fact that I just won't ever sleep on this trip.

Shorthand Patagonia - Day 7

January 22nd

3:40am - alarm goes off. It appears to have rained during the night; I feel damp. Damp and cold.

4:00am - now wearing seven layers, out of tent, can't see sky. Hike 5 minutes out of camp in search of sky.

4:05am - still no sky. Gras and I discuss difference between fog and clouds; probably not really the issue. Back to bed?

6:00am - Sascha walks by tent, tells us still no sky.

7:15am - Sascha says he's going to eat breakfast and then hike up in search of sky and Torres.

8:00am - cold oatmeal still good.

8:12am - on the trail.

8:17am - take off three layers.

8:23am - trail is now a straight uphill rock scramble. Are the clouds/fog going to eat us? Why did I leave my tent?

9:03am - summit! can-t see Torres, but can see Sascha and young Australian couple.

9:05am - steal/are given last two pieces of Sascha's Toblerone.

9:07am - take picture with the 3 of us and the Toblerone package.

9:20am - fog parts--we see Torres!!! they're quite large.

Next 12 minutes - flurry of picture-taking and hysterical rejoicing (complete with rock dancing).

9:32am - fog comes back. Head back down, listen to Australian Steph describe the brownies at El Living in Puerto Natales.

10:10am - back at camp. Sascha wakes up Daniel to tell him he missed the Torres. Daniel curses in Swiss or German, we can't tell. We break camp; I use radio; radio makes me sad.

10:40am - head back to Chileno, then on down to Hostería Las Torres. Pass day hikers on way; stop giving them the customary backpacker's nod and "hola." Pass woman going up the mountain on horse with a guide; Gras gives them a dirty look.

12:00pm - with the Hostería in view, we break one last time for lunch--hello can of tuna!

12:10pm - Sascha catches up to us, eats his last tortillas with ham, palta, and cheese. Gras takes picture of Sascha and his tortillas.

12:40pm - arrive at Hostería! take picture with Gras making a 'W' with our arms. use radio. radio leads to sadness, but also an email address. Buy not-too-terribly expensive postcards and 3 apples. Sit. Take off hiking boots.

1:46pm - lady in gift shop informs us that the 2pm shuttle to Laguna Amarga passes by the Refugio, not the Hostería.

1:47pm - run back to get pack from bench, then run/walk to Refugio in flip-flops.

2:05pm - arrive at refugio. there are about 70-plus people, including our Aussie friends, the middle-aged women, and various Israelis. Steph has crakers; we eat crackers.

2:18pm - one 12-person shuttle bus pulls up; 70-plus tired, smelly backpackers rush shuttle bus.

2:26pm - more shuttle buses arrive. I eat apple #1 in shuttle. Shuttle smells.

2:50pm - arrive at Laguna Amarga and find bus. Bus is hot and smells worse than shuttle.

4:00pm - bus stops at souvenir store. I almost buy $3 cake.

5:30pm - arrive at Erratic Rock--we're alive! return equipment, use internet.

7:00pm - meet Sascha and Aussies at El Living.

7:04pm - waitress tells us there aren't any brownies. order cake instead.

7:12pm - cake is pretty good, but definitely not a brownie. I am a fan of real flatware, though.

9:30pm - in hostel, introduce Sascha to his very first bottle of pisco. not so successful, but Gras and I like it.

11:00pm - how have we still not showered?

11:03pm - okay, I'm showering.

12:00am - oh look--there's more pisco!

12:37am - I don't think I've ever been so tired in my whole entire life.

Shorthand Patagonia - Day 6

January 21st

7:30am - up early, more cold oatmeal (even Gras agrees it's good), then off toward the Hostería Las Torres turn off enroute to the Refugio Chileno and then the Campamento Las Torres.

9:00am - Making good time, we trade off passing two cute Israelis, then spend 20 minutes or so trying to find a dry way to cross a major river. Finally, we give in to wet shoes and see the Israelis sitting on the other side. We refuse their offer to eat crackers so we can get ahead of them.

10:30am - Arriving at an amazing look-out, we stop to rest along with some French hikers. I reach for my camera to capture the view only to find that my camera case, which had been hooked on to the belt of my pack, is missing.

10:31am - panic.

10:32am - Gras runs back to look for camera

10:55am - Gras comes back; no camera.

11:00am - I run back to look for camera.

11:19am - re-wet feet re-crossing river. See Sascha, see Daniel, see Palm Beach couple, see married American couple, see two groups of Israelis; no one has seen camera.

11:27am - cross river for 3rd time. Feet now very wet.

11:45am - meet Gras, Sascha, and Daniel back at look-out; still no camera.

Crisis #3 not averted.

11:47am - say "fuck you" to mountain.

11:48am - Sascha gives us chocolate.

11:55am - back on trail, angry and trying to make up time. We succeed in walking very fast, leave Sascha and Daniel behind, catch up to and pass most of the people who'd passed us during the panicked camera hunt. Everyone sympathizes along the way.

2:00pm-ish - arrive at Refugio Chileno after meeting a group of 4 really slow Israeli guys who made us feel exceptionally hardcore. Lunch inside Chileno; apparently stealing napkins is a no-no. I buy a $16 disposable camera after the radio call to Refugio Los Cuernos makes me sad. See Palm Beach couple and middle-aged women.

3:30pm - head off to Campamento Las Torres. Trail more difficult than expected; start to quietly curse day hikers as they pass with their cute little day packs.

4:50pm - arrive at Campamento Las Torres. woohoo.

4:52pm - guardaparques try to charge us 3,500 pesos.

4:53pm - we realize we're freakin' gullible.

5:00pm - set-up tent, situated conveniently next to Sascha and Daniel.

5:20pm - socializing with Sascha and Daniel; meet Israeli Itai; comence with the food mooching. Sascha's been trying to give away all extra supplies to make his pack lighter; we eat his crackers as well as Daniel's.

5:50pm - it's dinner time in Boca Raton, right? Start cooking.

5:55pm - finish cooking. Lentil soup, bread, left-over refried beans, and cookies makes for a very brown meal. What are the boys making? arroz primavera, sauteed vegetables, noodles in cheese sauce with ají. Yes, we'll gladly help you eat your food.

8:30pm - anticipating the early morning (gotta see the Torres at sunrise), we head to bed.

Shorthand Patagonia - Day 5

January 20th

7:00am - alarm again.

7:30am - actually awake. cooking? nope, too lazy; cold oatmeal mixed with raisins and Nesquik is surprisingly good.

8:30am - on the trail to valle francés with just our daypacks to weigh us down. we reach campamento británico in record time (1 hour 45 minutes instead of 2 1/2 hours), and then push on toward the mirador. 15 minutes later we find ourselves at a huge boulder with a view of the entire valley. sweet. we keep walking, but once we reach the 85% grade of a wall of loose sand, we decide that mirador #1 was sufficient and head back down for a snack with a view. one of our knives becomes a casualty of our apple and peanut butter break when it slides off our boulder and we forget to collect it on our way down, but both the apple and the view are well worth it. plus, it makes our load all that much lighter. on the way down i manage to fall head-first and roll over a few rocks without major injuries. we pass Sascha coming up as we hike down through británico.

12:30pm - back at camp, we take some time to rest and have lunch in our tent before breaking camp and heading on to Los Cuernos. halfway along the 2 hour trail we stop at a rocky beach on a huge lake where various hikers are breaking to take in the warm sun and to show off their stone-skipping skills.

4:30pm-ish - we ramble in to the Los Cuernos campsite and are greeted by a friendly refugio worker eager to show us his prime camping spot complete with tree, picnic table, and view, and who then charges us half price as he flirts with gras. we also meet a middle-aged couple from palm beach, florida who give us their extra bags of trail mix after we agonize over wheter or not a $16 hot dinner in the refugio can really be justified on a student budget. later, after settling for beans and fresh-baked bread we buy from the kitchen staff, we decide we've made the right decision as we watch 40 people be served something grey and square along with their potato puré. we see the father and son pair eat their grey squares. we pass the rest of the evening playing Uno, talking with the refugio workers (who invite us to drink with them, though sadly after the ungodly hour of 11pm), and socializing with/stealing food from Sascha and new-friend Daniel from Switzerland. then it's another still-light night to prepare for the purported 7-plus hours with the packs tomorrow.

Shorthand Patagonia - Day 4

January 19th

7:03am - alarm goes off.

7:28am - okay, I'm getting up.

7:29am - oh god, I hurt. make breakfast; hello oatmeal.

9:00am - on the trail. first two hours kind of suck.

11:00am - break! it-s a beautiful day and we get to see the glacier and mountains in sun. we giddily dine on apples and peanut butter followed by chocolate and peanut butter. are we going to have to buy more chocolate?

11:30am - back on trail; kicking ass.

1:00pm-ish - arrive at Lago Pehoé! trip to refugio's almacén for batteries, chocolate, fruit, and granola bars. run into Sascha, have him take pictures of us next to trailhead signs, then head out toward Campamento Italiano. 30 minutes in, Gras' new "Falgene" meets a tragic, rocky end when I drop it trying to get it out of her backpack's mesh pocket. it falls on the rocks and shatters impressively; we take a picture. 1 hour in, we stop for lunch with Sascha by a creek; we take pictures. 1 hour and 50 minutes in, my pack is 20 pounds heavier and I get pissed off at the trail that apparently gets its kicks out of not ending. 2 hours in we come to two sweet suspension bridges and arrive at the campsite. Sascha takes our picture; we set up camp. right by camp there-s a rocky beach next to the river, and we lounge on the rocks to gaze at the Cuernos peaks after dressing-up our rock snowman. then we make dinner by the river. father and son pair, Sascha, and a young married couple from the US are in tow, we also meet a friendly group of 5-plus Israelis before heading back to the tent for an early bedtime in the still-light evening.

Shorthand Patagonia - Day 3

January 18th

6:15am – hello alarm clock.

6:35am – Erratic Rock breakfast. Oh my god, can I just stay here and eat for the next 5 days?

7:00am – waiting for transfer bus to park, we meet Jane. Jane is staying at the hostel too and is drunk. Jane had to be rescued from the park after falling? Jane forces her medical tape upon me. Jane can’t find her camera; her bus to El Calafate leaves without her. Hostel owner Bill tries to control temper.

7:30am – board bus to park. Sleep some on bus to park.

8:30am – bus stops at souvenir store.

10:30am – arrive at Laguna Amarga, one of the parks’ entrances. See llamas! Pay lots of money to enter park; get map. Back on bus, attendant lets Sascha, Gras, and I pick naked lady cards with calendars on the back from her stash. Mine’s straddling a bike—mine’s athletic.

11:30am – arrive at catamaran launch.

11:45am – first taste of what will later be a series of tuna and hard-boiled egg sandwiches—result is very good.

12:00pm – get on catamaran, see Los Cuernos mountain peaks from lake, see father and son pair from Magay’s, drink surprisingly good Nescaf’e that comes free with our $22 one-way fare.

12:40pm – head out from Lake Peho’e toward Glacier Grey.

12:44pm – arrive at Refugio Peho’e; did we take the wrong trail?

12:55pm – now securely on the Grey trail, stop to take off layers. Sunglasses break.

1:45pm – stop for lunch. Apparently not dead yet.

1:47pm – put layers back on.

4pm-ish – first pair of camera batteries dies.

5:15pm – arrive at Refugio and Camping Grey!

5:30pm – try to set-up tent.

5:42pm – re-try setting-up tent. Better result. Father and son pair spotted near refugio.

6:30pm – shower! Gras cooks yummy dinner of noodles and refried black beans.

7:30pm – off in search of miradores (look-out points). Chocolate comes too. After some scrambling, we find ourselves high above Lago Grey on a rocy outcrop over-looking the enormous ice-cliff of one arm of Glacier Grey. In the lake below there are huge chunks of sculpted ice bobbing in the icy water, and a tiny tourist boat chugs its way toward the glacier’s high wall. A huge slab of ice calves off the glacier and crashes into the water right behind the path of the boat. We toast the glacier with our chocolate.

A little before 9pm – it’s cold. The sun apparently doesn’t go away here, so we give up on our idea of seeing a sunset and head back to camp. We get lost a few times and end up running after the father and son pair when we spot them from the top of a small rise and follow them back.

10:30pm-ish – sleep time! Why is it still light out? We use Gras’ cool new lantern anyway.